✧*。ヾ(｡・ω・｡)ﾉﾞ✧*。

Hello beauties!!! Back here with a normal post and ready to ramble, muahhahahah. July is here and that means only 1 full month left till I have to start my senior year. Wowzaaaa. Senior year. Like I have said in previous posts, I just do not feel like a senior, more like a sophomore really. I don't think it's because of how mature or immature I am, I just genuinely don't feel like a senior!! I have had to write a college essay already (just as an assignment) and it's pretty frickin' scary thinking about the future. I don't know where it'll take me and it's very terrifying. That might actually be one of my biggest fears.....

Well, pushing that aside...!!! I have been in a sort of fight with my mind about my weight. Now, I don't care about my weight, it's just whatever, but then I DO CARE ABOUT IT. And it is not because of how other people will perceive me, but how I perceive myself. I am sometimes bothered by my stomach and fat close to my boobs. It just doesn't make sense to me. I don't want to care about my weight, but I do and it is the most frustrating thing ever. I have tried exercising, but I can never stay on an actual schedule so I never keep going. And another thing is, I HATE WORKING OUT!!! I don't like doing it and so I don't do it, but then I don't like my weight sometimes and it is just a huge cycle. Again, I don't like my weight because of other people, it is sincerely a me thing, I don't know. But it sucks because I don't know what to do!!!!! Anyways, below is a picture of where I walk and run sometimes. The flowers are very vibrant and very preeetttyyy!!

Ugh, you know what I did start doing? Drinking "healthy" smoothies because of my sister. She told me to make them with kale (SO L.A.), orange juice, and a ton of fruit and I actually like them....They literally go against everything I believe in because I refuse to be "L.A." and organic and all that crap. My sister has become that and it SICKENS me (sorry gnat!!). It's just that, people think it's easy to become organic and only eat non-GMO food, but it's not!!! Do you know how much that costs?!?!?! It's ridiculous, we have to pay to be healthy, awesome. I also understand the whole GMO thing, I mean we have billions of people on this Earth, but they may harmful to us in the future. The moral of this is the worlds just SUCKS, ahahhahaha.

I realized an obsession of mine.....I always take pictures of celebrities in an alien way, buahahahahha. It's the best thing ever!!! I actually made an album on my phone made for only these kinds of pictures, it's pretty hilarious. Below is Gabriela from High School Musical 2! Yes, I was watching High School Musical. The score is so catchy and I know all the words to the first movie's songs...thank you 11 year old Josselyn!!!!

So here is my outfit from yesterday! I only went to In-N-Out and the grocery store, but I always think "who cares if you're not going out, don't you get ready for yourself not other people?" so I sometimes do my eyeliner randomly and stufffff. I like to know I look cute. I don't think a lot of people realize that they may be getting ready for the wrong reasons....

 // top - H&M // skirt - thrifted // shoes - Forever 21 // phone case - Walmart for $2!!!!! (I also found out they sold this same case at Urban Outfitters and they probably sold it for like $20 MUAHAHAH I WIN)
Below is a little more detail picture of my outfit. I also took a little bag that I got for FREEE for subscribing to Teen Vogue, I WIN AGAIN. The subscription was only $10 for 2 YEARS!!!! I WIN AGAIN...AGAIN. I am also still obsessed with these shoes that I talked about in another post. My sister gave them to me and I haven't been able to actually wear them out a lot, because I barely go out, so when I actually do leave my cave, I wear them every time.

Since it is summmmaaaah, these flowers like to bloom and say hello to us and they are very, very pretty!!! Usually they're a darker purple than this, but I like these better!!! The apartments I live in are actually quite nice sometimes, but I mostly just kind of hate living here. I'VE BEEN HERE FOR 9 YEARS!!!

Like I said, I have been practicing doing my eyeliner!! I like to do a wing so maybe that's why it's been taking me longer to learn..? But, yeah I do know how to do the just plain line on my eyelid, so YAYAYYY!! I thought it would be cool to do a little GIF here and you can see it a bit. Maybe I'll do these more often, I kind of really like them (the GIFs I mean)!!!!

Well, this weekend hopefully I get a new bathing suit and actually go out, ahahhaha. Hope you all have a fantastic weekend =^^=

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN

Welcome back another post of "LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN". This segment of my blog is where I try to convince YOU to listen to a wonderful musician/band I have been loving recently. This one might be a bit different from my last posts of the segment, but all is well!!!

Today's musician/band I would like to introduce to you is: GABRIELLE APLIN

(from tumblr)

She is a singer-songwriter I recently discovered through Lewis Watson (I actually made a post on him here)!!! Her music is very similar to his and they actually have done a song together titled Droplets and it is just the loveliest song ever. Here are some basic facts about her...

• 21 years old 
• 1 album and 4 EPs
• from England
• plays guitar and piano

Her album, English Rain (album cover above), was released last year in May and is such an awesome album to listen to while you are just relaxing. Her voice is very smooth and touching and just very, very beautiful. My favorite song off her album is 'Please Don't Say You Love Me'. I find it so funny, even though it is quite sad because the next line she sings is "'cause I might not say it back". I kind of relate to it a bit because I am such a cynical and non-affectionate person, it seems like something that would happen to me because I am that type of person..maybe I should explain that in more detail in another post..ANYWAYS. Yes, that song is so so so sooo great!!!!! I am very positive that most of you will absolutely love her so much and I highly recommend that you all check her out. Here are some links that can help you get to know her better...

• TWITTER
• OFFICIAL WEBSITE
• LINK TO HER ALBUM ON iTUNES
• WIKIPEDIA PAGE (you may know already that I LOVE wikipedia)
• YOUTUBE CHANNEL

&&& I think those are the most useful and important links!!!! Well, I hope you enjoyed this little music post and reaaalllllyyyy!!!!! hope you all give her a shot, hope you had a great Wednesday =^^=

HOW TO: express yourself

Recently I have realized that for some people, it so difficult for them to express how they feel and solve why they are feeling that way. I am going to go into a deeper level instead of the whole dressing to reveal your true self and such. What I am going towards is when you are feeling down or suspect that you may have some disorder that you are worried about, but don't know HOW to tell people and are just afraid to tell them. I personally have had some difficulty over the past years talking about my feelings and actually telling people without making it a joke because I felt uncomfortable and felt as if it was dumb and pointless. This is my point of view and how I have overcome that fear and I do not want to seem like I know everything about depression and anxiety and disorders, etc. because I certainly don't. I learn new things on the topic every single day and still probably don't know half the information about it. Here are just a few tips on how I communicated my mind to friends, family, and surprisingly the Internet and some other random things: (not in order on how I discovered each) *warning this may go off topic or not make sense or something, but try to follow along!!!!*

1. Writing: I first started a journal recently, in the beginning of my junior year and holy. CRAP. You don't know how much better those simple letters and words put together made me feel. The beginning of junior year was also the beginning of my true happiness. I had finally overcame my strong waves of emotions and overthinking-ness(?) and was feeling excited about the year. Although, I was still experiencing it all. I began writing in a journal that I talked about here & here where I wrote about EVERYTHING. From my sister moving out to how I dress to people from class that pissed me off. I never realized how much it helped me until I re-read the journal entries I wrote. It was INSANE on how much my attitude, mind, and personality had changed in just a couple months. Writing not only helps you express yourself in ways you can't say out loud, but let's you go back to those thoughts and realize how much you have progressed.
2. Trusting: I know from personal experiences that trusting people is SO difficult. You never know how someone is going to react when you tell them how you've been feeling. They either will A) understand B) think you're crazy or C) think you're overreacting and that you'll "get over it". Now, personally, when someone would tell me it's just "a phase" or "you're on your period" or "you're a teen" it would make me SO MAD. It may be a phase, it may be my period punching my hormones, it may be because i'm a teen, but DON'T TELL ME THAT. It absolutely does NOT make me feel better. For me, those things are very negative and phrases that mean they're not taking it seriously. It pissed me off maaajooooorly!!!! SO, already having those thoughts on how they'll react, it makes me not want to tell anyone. I am getting off topic, sorry. Anyways, the point I am trying to get across is, you need to trust. If you're scared to tell your best friend something, how are they your best friend (re-read sentence and insert sister, brother, mom, dad, etc.)? It not only insults them, but your emotions as well because you think you're close to them, but you can't open up to them so that can cause an entirely different issue. Opening up is difficult, but if you're ready to talk about it and know you are, talk about it. Let it all out. If you consider them your best friend or sister or dad, etc. then you should know they will help you and try to understand. I may want to add that, don't push yourself to expressing yourself because you may not be ready and that's okay!!! It's okay to not be ready, but just know that telling people about your issues can lead you to solving them.
3. Parents: Oh parents. They, a lot of the times, are the ones saying "it's a phase" or "you're a teen". "YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!" You scream. & you are completely right. They don't understand and, if they have never been in the same position as you, they will never come close to understanding, BUT they will try their very hardest to comprehend on what you're feeling. Screaming and telling them off just will not help, (insert your name). You need to explain to them what you are feeling and HOW they can help. They sometimes don't know what to do in these situations because you may be the first child in the group or only child or first child who has experienced some kind of anxiety/etc. It is not only them who has to put the effort, but you also have to do it.
4. Friends: They are the best and worst people ever, amirite (by worst I mean when they purposely annoy you)? You think you can tell them everything, but when you get to that peak in your life where you don't know what to do and anxiety says hello and depression starts creeping through your window, you think you can't tell them anything. The secret to that is...THEY MAY BE FEELING THE SAME WAY, TOO!!!!! What?!?!?! YEAH MAN!!! Most of the time, your friends are the same age as you and possibly can go through the same issues. You may never know that because both of you could be too scared to tell one another. I am not saying that your friends are feeling the same way, what I am getting at is that you may never know how they will respond. & if they are your true friends, their response will be supportive and greatly helpful, trust me. It goes along the same lines as telling your parents, you need to put the effort in telling them and try to make them understand!!!
5. Self-harm: Oiiiii. What a touchy subject. So this one, I don't have personal experience with. I don't want to go deep into it because of that so here's what I know. I know people do it because they feel as if it takes pain away from them or maybe they deserve it? Those are two that I know. All I want to say is that, self-harm is honestly NOT the way to solve your issues. They won't stop anything, except perhaps your life and that is not worth it. Your life is so unique and more precious than any amount of gold or concert tickets, I promise you, the person that may self-harm, that. That's all I have to say. LIFE >>>>>> ANYTHING.
6. Internet: Good or bad? WE MAY NEVER KNOW!!!!!! It has opened so many opportunities for so many people, but also has shown others things they probably shouldn't know...WELL, I'm here to talk about the positive side of it all. It has helped me communicate with people who are more like me than people from school. I have the ability to contact people who have the same interests as me in a blink of an eye. I have actually made some best friends through the Internet. The Internet has taught me a great amount of things that I don't think I can learn from the "real world". It distracts me when I am feeling down. It is a wonderful distraction, when you are reading/doing positive things!!!! It also opens up an entire multi-community for you to let out your feelings to people you don't know, which may be easier for some to actually open up!! Theres twitter, tumblr, blogger, youtube, vine, etc. SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!! It's incredible!!!!! So if you're not ready to express yourself in the real world, maybe doing it online first can be the first big step!
7. Learning: Thinking of new ideas and morals has helped me not only overcome my issues, but made me a better person. There are SOOOOSOSOSOSOOSOSOO many things you don't know, holy crap, this world is full of new things, it's actually pretty insane!!!! This goes along with the Internet, but keeping yourself busy and learning new things, while solving your issues is such a great way to do it (solve your issues). You can get into a new hobby or maybe look at your future a bit? BUT NOT TOO MUCH, because then that just creates a whole other level of anxiety, ahahhahaha. But you get the idea!!!

It is 11 P.M. and if I keep typing, I may begin to not make sense, maybe I already don't make sense, but hopefully you understand each number!!! These are just random tips and facts and stuff that have helped me throughout the years and may help you. They may be cliche and things you already have heard, but sometimes hearing them a second or third time or fourth or so on can make you realize something new. Hopefully this opened your eyes a bit and made you feel like you are not alone, because you certainly are not!!!! Hope you all are having a fantastic week =^^= (below is a picture of me looking at you)